BEAUTIFUL DISASTER

She loves her mama’s lemonade,
Hates the sounds that goodbyes make.
She prays one day she’ll find someone to need her.
She swears that there’s no difference,
Between the lies and complements.
It’s all the same if everybody leaves her.

And every magazine tells her she’s not good enough,
The pictures that she sees make her cry.

And she would change everything, everything just ask her.
Caught in the in between of beautiful disaster,
And she needs someone to take her home.

She’s giving boys what they want, tries to act so nonchalant,
Afraid they’ll see that she’s lost her direction.
She never stays the same for long,
Assuming that she’ll get it wrong.
Perfect only in her imperfection.

She’s not a drama queen,
She doesn’t want to feel this way, only seventeen but tired

She would change everything for happy ever after.
Caught in the in between of beautiful disaster,
But she just needs someone to take her home.

Cuz she’s just the way she is, but no ones told her that’s ok.

And she would change everything, everything just ask her.
Caught in the in between of beautiful disaster,

And she would change everything for happy ever after.
Caught in the in between of beautiful disaster,

But she just needs someone to take her home
And just needs someone to take her home.

-JOHN MCLAUGHLIN
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qZ5fyAsSzug

suvey- 3

THREE NAMES THAT FRIENDS CALL YOU:
1. Julia
2. Juls
3. Jupao

THREE MOST IMPORTANT DATES IN YOUR LIFE:
1. April 14. 1989
2. December 25
3. January 15, 2008

THREE THINGS YOU'VE DONE IN THE LAST 30 MINUTES:
1. Ko-ed
2. sniffed
3. chatted

THREE WAYS TO BE HAPPY KAHIT SA BAHAY LANG:
1. beds and wookie
2. free food
3. dvd marathons

THREE GIFTS YOU WOULD LIKE TO RECEIVE:
1. 1-month stay in Houston
2. laptop
3. car, no.. lots of money to make someone go back here

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
1. reading
2. eating
3. watching

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO FOR VACATION:
1. believe it or not, houston texas usa
2. punta fuego
3. europe

THREE FAVORITE DRINKS:
1. oj baby!
2. icedtea
3. super choco loco taro ice

THREE THINGS FOUND IN YOUR BAG:
1. my planner
2. my alcohol spray
3. wallet

THREE FAVORITE COLORS:
1. purple
2. blue
3. brown

TOP THREE HANGOUTS:
1. some food place
2. some compshop
3. bahay

TOP THREE U LOVE SO MUCH:
1. family
2. friends
3. wookie

TOP THREE WHO DO YOU THINK WILL ANSWER THIS SURVEY:
- top one who i think won't answer this problem: wookie :))

TOP THREE "THINGS" SPECIAL TO YOU:
1. food
2. books
3. my ring

TOP THREE THAT MAKES YOU HAPPY LATELY:
1. food
2. wookie
3. yogurt shake

TOP THREE REASONS WHY YOU ANSWERED THIS SURVEY:
1. one
2. two
3. three

Some somethings

25 Random Things
(About Me)

1. My fulfillment level has only been up to one-fourth but I'm surviving. So, I'm starting to think how "fulfilling" it will be to fill the rest.
2. I have but only ten people who I want to be proud of me; when that happens, I won't care so much if the rest don't.
3. Still, I have this impeccable value for friends and everyone I meet who are willing to be called one of mine.
4. Amazing, no matter how lost I seem to be, I could be found. By this one person. Yes, it seems to me that I find myself pretty much when she's around. As I said, amazing.
5. There are times when it appears clearly to me who I've got until the very end. Too clear in fact,.
6. Most of the times, I fight with reality.. with reality.
7. I know the most powerful thing to do, whenever whatever wherever whoever, is to believe.
8. I think I have this great destiny...
9. The thing that I hate the most at times, is my mind. And it's also the most marvelous thing that I know.
10. I have some oddest likes and weirdest fears.
11. I care too much.
12. I love too much.
13. But only a handful goes for myself.
14. But believe me, I'm working on it... I know I love myself.
15. Truth: Wookie is my soulmate.
16. I dont believe in "forever" but I hold on to "for the rest of my life".
17. Most of the things that comfort me are things that people consider to be "immature".
18. I think I've been fat all my life.

19. Okay, I take that back.

20. Everyday, I get a truckload of new ideas about anything. Most of the time, none of them are put to use.
21. I believe I waste my time when I sleep.
22. I'm too late to know everything. But I'm not giving up. There is so much to learn.
23. It still pains me exactly as much as it did when I sent you off. Damn, I hate airports.
24. Out of that ten people, everyday I spend 100% of my efforts just to impress only one person. Usually, I fail.
25. I think I could be larger than life.

Then again..

survey- 7 Deadly Sins

Gluttony
1. Do you think you eat more than you should?
:: NO. NOT AT ALL. :))

2. What is your favorite meal?
:: For now, I'd like an Upsized DCBD meal in Mcdo.

3. What did you have for dinner today (or yesterday)?
:: Fish and veggie dish.

4. What is your favorite dessert?
:: Hmm.. something with caramel, chocolate, strawberry, or mango. :)

5. Can you cook well?
:: Umm.. if I try to, yeah? Haha

6. Are you a fruit or veggie person?
:: Both.

7. What is your favorite restaurant to go to?
:: Teriyaki Boy. Fastfood nalang!

8. Do you feel comfortable with your weight?
:: =))

9. Are you vegetarian or vegan?
:: NONE.

10. Describe your normal eating habits?
:: I. EAT. A LOT. bow


Lust
. How much do you find yourself thinking about sex?
:: Yung tama lang.

2. Are you a virgin?
:: Yes'm.

3. If not, who did you lose your virginity to and when? 4. Do you believe you should be in love to have sex?
:: Yupyup.

5. Have you ever cheated on your significant other?
:: Nope. Never will.

6. What is the first thing you look for in a boy/girl?
:: The cheeks. :"> :))

7. Do you have any special fantasies?
:: Oye ha.

8. Have you been in lust more than love?
:: No no.

9. Would you have sex with more than one person?
:: Nope.

10. Who in your life do you feel the most lust for?
:: ;)


Greed
1. What do you want more than anything right now?
::MY WOOKIE PLEASE.

2. Does money play an important part of your life?
:: No matter how hard I try not to make it, yeah it does.

3. What are your goals for the future?
:: Graduate. Masters. Get the ID job. Be successful. Have my family.

4. Do you think money is more important than love?
:: Of course not.

5. If you were given one million dollars right now, what would you do with it?
:: magsusundo ako!

6. Has anyone ever called you spoiled or greedy?
:: Uhh.. spoiled meron. Spoiled RAW.

7. Do your parents have a lot of money?
:: Enough for us all.

8. How much money do you spend in one week?
:: Haha. Depends. But i'm saving now.. again.. so, not much supposedly

9. Do/would you share with people that are less fortunate?
:: If i could, yes.

10. Have you ever robbed someone?
:: Masama yun.


Sloth
1. Have many people called you lazy?
:: I call myself lazy.

2. How much sleep do you get at night?
:: Not much. But I sleep.

3. Do you often take naps in the middle of the day?
:: Hmm.. nope.

4. What was the most depressing time of your life?
:: August 10, 2008.

5. What is the best way to relax?
:: TV ACTION with food and YM :D

6. Would you consider yourself more of a follower or leader?
:: Follower.

7. Would you consider yourself a caring person?
:: Opo yata.

8. What time do you go to bed at night?
:: Late as usual.

9. What do you waste most of your time doing?
:: DVD Marathons. ;)

10. Would you rather go out somewhere or stay home?
:: Stay home.


Wrath
1. Who was the last person you were upset with?
:: Umm.. yun.


2. What is the meanest thing you’ve ever done to someone?
:: Backstab?

3. Do you hate anyone?

:: Wag na, waste of time.

4. Are you angry a lot?
:: Naaahh waste of time.

5. What was the last thing that made you mad?
:: Binabaan ako.

6. Have you even been in a physical fight with someone?
:: Ummm.. none that I think of? Trip trip lang siguro meron

7. Has there been a time that you wanted to seek revenge?
:: Meron.

8. What is your biggest pet peeve?
:: Umm.. ano ba.. umm...

9. How do you express your anger and frustration?
:: I completely shut up. Take note: I'm a quiet type of person.

10. Is it easy for you to forgive?
:: Yep.


Envy
1. Who are you most jealous of?
::Haha wala ah.. The A's ba? :)) HINDEEE. Si ano, Uncle Sam. SI A. DEFINITELY SI A NA NGA.

2. What is something you want that your best friend has?
:: ME? Haha! Wala naman..

3. What is one thing you think you are lacking in life?
:: Money. Chan-chan-chaaaaan! Ano.. confidence?

4. Do you think of yourself as an envious person?
:: Nope. Pangit yun.

5. How would you consider yourself lucky?
:: One word. WOOKIE. :)

6. Unlucky?
:: One word. FAR. :(

7. Have you ever felt sorry for yourself?
:: Oo naman.

8. Overall, do you think you have everything you need?
:: Yes yes.

9. Is there anyone that has been envious of you?
:: Beats me.

10. Do you want a better life than what you have?
:: I want.. to be a better person. :)


Pride
1. What is your best physical feature?
:: UH. Lips? Ewan wala yata. :))

2. What do you like most about your personality?
:: Umm.. BLAH

3. How much time do you take to get ready in the morning?
:: Not much. To get up yung matagal hehe

4. Do you wear a lot of make-up?
:: Nada.

5. How often do you go shopping?
:: Haha when necessary. And pag may pang shopping. :))

6. Are your looks very important to you?
:: NOPE.

7. Would you ever like to be a model?
:: NOPE.

8. What could be improved about your body?
:: SEXIER. =))

9. Do you think that you’re better than others?
:: Haha umm i dont think so pero i have this feeling that someday i'll give A LOT to this world :D


10. What is your most embarrassing moment?
:: Ay hindi ko na matandaan eh.

AUS OPEN 2009

2009! Yes, I am so very excited to watch tennis matches again. Real live ones, i mean. Been waiting for this for months now.. another year of great grandslams!!

\m/\m/

But the Aus Open is kind of irritating me now, i just checked their site and there's still nothing on. I tried Google-ing too.. but all I had are news pre it all. Something about Sharapova not playing (which really really sucks) and also Davydenko sitting out too due to an injury.. there's this thing also about Novak being defeated in a game but I really don't know if it's this year. DAMN IT!! I really was looking forward for some previews or match scheds. Oh but poor me, nada nada for me. Maybe today is really not my day. :|


Aus Open 2004 Film was on this 5pm at StarSports though. And then, nothing about this year's.

HAY. So much for waiting.

Maybe i should just play, as in play tennis so that I won't think about the Aus Open that much.. Huh. Yeah that made sense.

:| :( :((

Or maybe you should just.. just talk to me again. Well, now that's an idea.

YAY!

YOUR EXISTENCE IS TRULY APPRECIATED. :)

HAAAAAPY BIRTHDAAAAAY. :)

it's all i know

YOU.





There's always something in the way
there's always something getting through
and it's not me..
Sometimes ignorance reads through
but hope is not in what i know
it's not me..
I find peace when i'm confused
I find hope when i'm let down
not in me..
I hope to lose myself for good
I hope to find it in the end
not in me..
There's always something in the way
there's always something getting through
but it's not me..
it's..



.you

flames to dust

And the sun was wondering if it should stay away for a day 
Til the feeling went away 
And the sky was falling and the clouds were dropping 
And the rainfall forgot how to bring salvation 
The dogs were barking at the new moon 
Whistling a new tune hoping it would come soon 
So that they could die..

my dream is my reality; my reality is my dream

So i was told.

I was never this scared in my whole life. Maybe that's really how it is when you start sticking with the sad chain of life.... the written details, the planned endings. Maybe this is how it really feels when you see how it ends for you.. The most scariest thing in life would be this.. Reality.

It's the infamous "bahala na".. the damned excuse of "that's just the way it works, this is life". It's the playing safe. It's the slow surrender. It's the fatal but unseen mistake of giving up. It's reality.

But then again, why is it that whenever we say reality, we think almost immediately that it's the right one? Is it because reality tends to be or is supposed to be REAL? Then real is not good? Real is not forever? Real is not a promise?

We always end up drawing that really big line between reality and dreams. But how about the middle, that in between, that place where we draw the line. Whatever happens to that? There is such a place. That is why people unmistakeably take, at some point of their lives, reality into dream and dream into reality. I'm sure of that because i've been there.. fascinated always by the feeling of total happiness like a dream and then the instant realization that it is happening in the real world. Not when i'm sleeping. Not when i'm thinking, losing my attention, daydreaming. Sometimes, it doesn't even take a slightest bit of hoping, whatever you do when you dream. It's for real; a dream is for real.

It's always been good to be there in the middle. You see endless possibilities.. good and bad ones. Too much of the good, you're way too dreaming. Too much bad, there you are, slowly siding with the other one.

Maybe it helps... helps to make it less painful when you have your ends. Does it?


I fought with destiny once.. with fate. Now i think i'm about to fight with reality. Because i think being realistic doesn't mean losing all those happy stuff that we see as dreams. Being realistic doesn't mean just settling for now and letting the rest happen by itself. Being realistic doesn't mean losing faith and hope in what you believe, just because they seem to be so farfetched.

They look far and impossible when all you think about is the facts.

I've been sucked up in the other side. But i think i'm willing to fight for my place in the middle again. I can't stand giving up and just letting whoever write the story for me. I get the challenges and all that pain. But making it all laid down for you? Then it's never gonna be your story anymore.

I fight for what i believe. Even if i stand alone. Because i believe and i have faith in having the happiness that i have now, until the day i die.

Reality, bring it on.

wala

Pagod na ako maging mahina.

i see ghosts

It's all good now. It's really good.

I trust but, nothing ever was mine for that long.

Maybe it's not in my hands. It never could be.

Why do i see it slipping away so clearly?

Was it never meant to be?


Damn you fate. Damn you destiny. Damn you... you who dares to stand where i stand now. Damn.


But it's all good now. Maybe not tomorrow, but it still is now.

Make the most out of it. Now. While it's still there.

Eat duh?

Are you cheating on someone right now?
- EF YOU. No and never will.

Do you think relationships are even worth it?
- Well hell yeah, mine is!

If you could pack up and move, would you?
- OH YES PLEASE

Do your parents really know you?
- I'm not so sure

When was the last time you laughed really hard?
- Hmmm..

What are you excited for?
- 12th. :)

Has anyone told you lately that they would always be there for you?
- Yeah. I LOVE YOU!

Are your parents divorced?
- Nnoope.

What were you doing eight o'clock this morning?
- Slumbering.

Would you ever get a tattoo?
- Hmm no?

Who was the last person to text you?
- Kxk.

What's your mood?
- Sad.

If you took a drug test, would you pass it?
- Of course.

Did you enjoy your weekend?
- Did i?

Do you regret doing something today?
- I dont regret.

Are you slowly drifting away from someone?
- Oh i hope not

Who is the last person you told a secret to?
- Hmm.. my bestfriends?

What's irritating you right now?
- Stuff.

Are you going to be home alone tonight?
- No eh.

What is one thing you wish you had?
- :( I wish i have again...

Do you drive?
- EH.

Have you ever showered with someone?
- Good times:)

Do you still talk to the person you fell hardest for?
- YUP. Faaaaaaaaaaaalling even moooooore

Would you rather go to Tokyo or Paris?
- Paris.

Who else is in the room with you?
- Wala.

In winter, would you rather wear jackets or hoodies?
- Mah hoodies

Do you wish you were somewhere else right now?
- Oh i wish and i hope and i dream...

How long can you go without your mobile phone?
- Basta may net access, sige matagal. I cant lose this communication with someone.

What are you doing tomorrow?
- Oh the usual. Plus watch a play

Whose house did you sleep at last night?
-Mine?

Who was the last person in your room?
- My sister. Still is.

What is one place you would love to visit?
- DUN O. :(

Whose your best friend?
- ERK.

What are you listening to?
- Colors- Amos Lee

Do you like someone?
- LOVE.

What is your favorite thing to do?

- EAT. Duh

just anywhere

Categories

at the moment:
1. How are you?

BAH.
2. Are you with anyone?

Nope. I wish i was.
3. Are you doing anything besides this survey?

Yeeaah. Music tripping. "I'ma keep trying babe..."
4. What are you listening to?

Struggle- Ashanti
5. Are you talking to anyone?

Uh. I dont think we're talking. But yeah, i am
6. What are you wearing?

Just clothes.
7. Are you eating or drinking anything?

Will be, in a while. Damn i'm hungry.
8. Is there anything going on in the room you're in?

None that i know of..
9. How is the weather outside?

Just fine.
10. What time is it?

Time to eat..

lasts
1. Who is the last person you talked to?

Likha. :))
2. What is the last food you ate?

Taco and Nacho cheese. HAHA. =))
3. What is the last text you sent?

"Okay sige. Sorry. G'night!"
4. Where is the person you last hugged?

Sleeping upstairs. Really hugged..... somewhere
5. When is the last time you cried?

AHA i dont know
6. What did you do for your last birthday?

Had a greeeeeaaat time being loved by the people i love... :)
7. Where is the last person you kissed?

Soemwhere...
8. Besides anything computer related, what is the last thing you touched?

Table?
9. When is the last time you changed clothes?

Hours ago.
10. What was the last TV show you watched?

Oth.

what's/who's your favorite
1. Color? Puuuurple.
2. TV show? Hmm.. JOA. :)
3. Food? LOTS AND LOTS.
4. Season? FALL. :)
5. Movie? Hmm.. Patch Adams? :)
6. Item of clothing? Hoodies. Yeahuhuhyoyoyo
7. Band? Hmm.. Lifehouse. :)
8. Place to be kissed? Oh anywhere.. just anywhere
9. Friend? RAE CHI ERIN!
10. Sibling? NO FAVORITE 'COS THEY'RE ALL UGLY AND FAT AND AND.. :D

funny how i'm nervous still

Well you're just across the street,
Looks a mile to my feet,
I wanna go to you.

Funny how I'm nervous still,
I've always been the easy kill
I guess I always will

Could it be that everything goes round by chance (chance)
Or only one way that it was always meant to be (be)
You kill me you always know the perfect thing to say,
hey hey, hey hey
I know what I should do but I just can't walk away

I can picture your face well
From the bar in my hotel
I wish I'd go to you

I pick up put down the phone
Like your favorite heat miser song goes:
It's just like being alone

Oh God
Please don't tell me this has been in vain (vain)
I need answers for what all the waiting I've done means (means)
You kill me you've got some nerve but can't face your mistakes,
hey hey, hey hey
I know what I should do but I just can't turn away

So go on love
Leave while there's still hope for escape
Gotta take what you can these days
There's so much ahead and so much regret

I know what you wanna say (I know what you wanna say)
I know it but can't help feeling differently
I loved you and I shoulda said it but tell me just what has it ever meant

I can't help it baby this is who I am (am)
I'm sorry but I can't just go turn off how I feel (feel)
You kill me you build me up but just to watch me break hey hey, hey hey
I know what I should do but I just can't walk away.

(Kill- JEW)

after the 8th

100.WHAT'S YOUR PROFILE SONG? WHY?

The Cure For The Pain. Jon Foreman.

99.DO YOU HAVE A JOB?

None at the moment.

98.LAST CALL ON YOUR CELLPHONE?
Wookie.

97.DO YOU LIKE SOMEONE?

LOVE, yes.

96.LIE IN THE LAST 24 HRS?
Bluff.

95.DO YOU PLAY A GAME?

Kanina. For two and a half hours. Cardgames with Kee. HAHAHA AYOS

94. WHERE WAS THE LAST PLACE YOU SAW

YOUR LOVED ONES?

Family, here in the house. Bestfriends, train station? Haha. Wookie, The Damned Place.

93.WHAT ARE YOU EATING?

Nothing.

92.WHO/WHAT MAKES YOU MAD?
Inconsideration. Disrespect.

91.WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE WHEN YOU

GROW UP?

Yours truly.

90.WHAT'S YOUR NAME?

You can call me.. Ace.

89.WHAT COLOUR IS YOUR HAIR?
Bblack.

88.DO YOU HAVE A FRIEND OF THE

OPPOSITE SEX YOU ALWAYS HANG WITH?

Not always.

87.DO YOU HAVE ANY SIBLINGS?
Mmhm.

86.WHERE ARE YOU NOW?

HAY. YEAH WHERE ARE YOU? :(

85.WHAT FUN THING DID YOU DO LAST WEEKEND?

Fun? Cant remember..

84.DID YOU DO ANYTHING TODAY?

I CELEBRATED. :)

83.ARE YOU HAPPY?

YES. But i could be happier..

82.WHO IS SITTING TO YOUR LEFT, RIGHT

No one.

81.WHERE IS YOUR DAD RIGHT NOW?

Dreamland.

80.DO YOU HAVE ANY BAND CD?

A few. Coldplay's latest, whoot!

79.WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON ON YOUR INBOX?

Likha hehehe

78.CLOSEST BLACK OBJECT?
Mouse.

77.DO YOU WEAR GLASSES?

Nope

76.DO YOU HAVE A NECKLACE?

Not just a necklace, it's The necklace. :)

75.DO YOU SING IN THE SHOWER?

Usually.

73.DO YOU OWN ANY PETS?

YUP!

64.LAST PERSON TO COMMENT YOU?

Viktor hehe

63.DO YOU SING?

I know how to yeah

62.PAST OR PRESENT LOVE?
What do you mean? Present.

61.ROCK OR RAP?
Rock mostly.

59.WHO DID YOU LAST CALL?

Wookie nga.

58.WHO LAST TEXTED YOU?

Si, BFF. :))

57.WHAT'S INSIDE YOUR RIGHT POCKET IN

YOUR SHORT?

No pockets eh.

54.WOULD YOU DIE FOR SOMEONE?
Someone. I guess?

53.LATEST THING YOU'VE RECENTLY CRIED ABOUT?

Ah the usual

52.ARE YOU JEALOUS NOW?

No. I dont think i should be.

51.WHAT DO YOU SMELL?

OLA! :D

50.IS ANYTHING BOTHERING YOU RIGHT

NOW?

Hm. Yyyeah.

48.WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO TOMORROW?

Study study study. Wait wait wait.

47.WHAT DID YOU EAT FOR BREAKFAST?

Mango Juice?

46.LUNCH?

Mango juice. Hehe.

45.Dinner?

Tinola.

42.CAN YOU CLIMB A TREE?

Yup.

37.FAVORITE NUMBERS? WHY?

14. Duh. 15. Just because. :)

35.DO YOU AGREE THAT 1ST LOVE NEVER

DIES?
Hm malay ko

32. JEANS OR SWEATPANTS?

Jeans.

31.WHAT SHOULD YOU BE DOING?

Sleeping.

30.ARE YOU GONNA DO IT?

Yup. Eventually

29.DO YOU HAVE SOCKS ON?

Nope.

27.HAVE YOU EVER CRIED IN FRONT OF

YOUR LOVED ONES?

Yes.

26.WHERE DO YOU GO EVERY MORNING?

Lots of places?

23.WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE NAME?
HM Lets see.. It's a tie between KIPPER and.. JULIA. :)

19.TV SHOW?
HIMYM nalang hehehe

18.DO YOU LIKE 80'S MUSIC?

Some yeah

16.DO YOU DANCE TO IT?
I guess?

11.CAN YOU LICK YOUR TOE?

I could. But i wouldnt.

10.BEEN IN AN OPPOSITE SEX RELATIONSHIP?
Yes.

9.BEEN TO COLLEGE?

Being in.

5. FAVORITE COLORS?

PURPLE. Blue. Red.

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE DAY?
Saturday.

3. WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO?

After college. FUTURE. :)

2. ARE YOU IN YOUR LOVED ONES' HEART?

Yup naman.

1. WHO IS YOUR LOVE?

;)