on the tenth day of the eighth month of this year..

..I ALMOST DIED.

How fast time flies... sure damn fast, i say. Time will never be on anyone's side yet it heals any pain. How ironic. Or not. I must say, i have never been a fan of time. It always pained me to watch a clock do it's work. It's making me far from what's been and nearer to what will be. Most of the time, it made me crazy. Like hell. The topmost would be from 7 in the evening yesterday til 4 in the morning today..

It hurts so much because it's all fresh in my memory.. every damn second seems to be pushing itself on me everytime i think of it. Especially the last ones...... who knew that time could crush a heart. I'm thinking of an easy way to tell the story, but there's none. Every angle of it kills. It hurts to see the person you love the most walk away from you, knowing that he loves you. I had so much to say but i didn't say anything. Well i did, he just didn't hear it. Doesn't matter anyway. He's gone.

I don't really want to remember that day. I have never been more hurt. Oh i've been left many times before and they all hurt too... but not like this. Maybe it hurts this much because he knew that i'm scared of being left again yet he did. I'm not mad, he did what's best for him. And he deserves this. But i just want it to stop... the pain to stop. I DON'T WANT TO BE LEFT AGAIN.

I miss him badly. And i know that i'll love him more because i risked being left again for him. I love him. He loves me. Just... just not enough to stay with me.