TRASH PIT. [December 15]

AMPff.

At least I know now how it feels to miss a CL Bonfire.

PUCHAPUCHAPUCHAPUCHAPUCHA! Not good, I repeat, NOT GOOD.

Something that I could regret. Tsk. I hate regrets pa naman.. Nice one. But hey, I chose this.. and i'm facing it. Mahirap pero kaya. I'm sacrificing a weekend supposedly full of christmas hollahbaloohas for something that i really need.. EDUCATION. Hyuh. I'm aiming for something here yo..

So, okaaaaay lang to. It's all gonna be worth it. Besides, I can still go to the next bonfires. Bawi nalang din next week.. Lantern Parade, Paskuhan, KChristmasPartey, JERKristmasdate.. San ka pa? Wahahaha!

Two science reports, one reaction paper, and 3 more subj makeups. Plus review. SISIW.

Oh, btw.. Chubby passed THE exam. The Exam. Yeah. I knew she could make it. A part of me didn't want to know at first, pero.. I still wanted to. It's something that she really worked hard for, and I totally respect that. Saludo. Pero siyempre.. di rin nawawala yung .. yun. Ewan ko na kung aniong mangyayari. Basta i'm making the most out of the time that we're given.. at least meron. The rest? Bahala nalang..

Another bahala-na-lang-thing.. haha.. i'll call it, the .. POPCORN. Haha. Pop, pop, pop. Suddenly someone popped out .. and, everything that followed was sinfully good. A guilty pleasure for two weeks. And I never saw it coming.. each day was .. totally unexpected. Suprisingly good, suprisingly bad. And now? Isa na siyang one big POPPING QUESTION MARK.. and i'll leave it that way. No choice. As i said, bahala na lang. Anyway, more of this in another entry.. wahehehe..

Okay. Gotta finish those papers. Hurray for me. WooHoo.

Ciao me lads. :)

LIFE IS GOOD. :)

I'm baaaaaaack on track.. WOOHOO!! I wasn't able to update my blog because there were a lot of things happening around me.. school, friends, family, and loooooove? Wahaha! Naku, naku ..

So yeah, I started school again. It's like starting college for the second time.

As powerful as..

[A STORY]

There was this one day in the Island of Feelings and Essences where all of the occupants were told that the island was going to sink. So, the Feelings and Essences and Concepts were all preparing to leave.

LOVE: "Richness, can I come with you on your boat?"

RICHNESS: "Sorry, but I already have lots of gold here in my boat. There's no more space left."
LOVE: "Sadness, please stay.."
SADNESS: "I'm sorry. I want to be alone."
LOVE: Happiness! Let me go with you!"
(HAPPINESS did not hear LOVE.)
TIME: "Come Love, I'll take you with me.."
LOVE: "Why are you helping me Time?"
TIME: "Because.. I'm the only one that capable of understanding how great you are."

A silly, silly story. :) But with all that that that. <3

FREEDOMLAND! Ahoy! ;))

“Sooner or later, start taking yourself seriously. Know when you need a break. Know what to get worked up about, & what to get rid of. Do something that makes you stronger & more complete. Because it’s never too late to have a life, & never too late to change one.”

Alas! My first day in college, AGAIN. It was sooooooo fun. :)

NOALL-WHITE UNIFORMS, 7am CLASSES, Prof MATIASes, THEOLOGY, STANDING-UP-WHEN-ANSWERING, WEIRD PEOPLE, p20-PEDICABS, block, SATURDAY CLASSES, LACSON AREA, T-H-E BLGD, and especially ..

NOHALFMOONS & ASSHOs LUSCAPADING. ;))

There were: cooler classes with cooler profs, much weirder crowd but in a veeeeeeery cool way;), super near mall, good schedule, more convenient commutes, sit-ins, walk-outs&ins, fun tambays, filmshowings, familiar people, more noticeable guys (ehehehe), COMPSCI pare!, a very astig guard, aaaaand.. the challenge in each and every day which stimulates me with so much thrill. J
SALUDO! Hahaha! :))

Although, I kinda miss some things..

NOSTIRFRIEDNOODLES, GYM, PECLASS:VOLLEYBALL, MYPECRUSH, PHILOGUY<3,> GRANDSTAND, CFADHEAVEN:C, SANDBOX, FUNFUNFUN AB STUDENTS..

And I especially miss these..

NOPARE, DARLIN’, Q, CHUBS, BEST, and.. GURLFRIEND. ;C

Hay. Buhay nga naman o. But hey, I’ll still go back there naman eh, for my dearest friends. J Di naman sila mawawala eventhough I’m far far away from them now.

ANYWAAAAAY, I’m happy in my new school. I’m happier that I was given the chance to start a new life again. Kahit na I’m going through some of the same subjects again, it’s okay. This time, there’s nothing I'm going to complain about. :)

“The difference between great people & everyone else is that great people create their lives while everyone else is created by theirs.”

I hope that I can do better this time.. bawian na duuude!

Push me in the train tracks, will ya?

You are the Lit Major.. and will always be. I'm the apprentice diba? Whetever's down came from up there, somewhere.
We are too tragic for them.. too tragic. :)

Cactus Me Not

EXHAUSTED..

Now I'm telling you.. there's nothing like having freshly cooked large sourcreamed Frenchies and a sweetsweetZagu.. with a mere thought of holding another bag of hot Mojos and--get this--one of the most wonderful ladies in town after one of those stressful days: THE Tempted Dreamer herself. One word.. AMAZING. :)

Yesterday was a blast. I can't believe that in one day you could end and begin. Put it your way, any way. I can't believe more that in less than 5 hours, I would be sitting inside a classroom again, studying. GRABE.

Here's what happened: With the fastest train ever, I arrived VEEERY early in the designated place, somewhere near this 'newly-built' building with all its newness. I WAS NOT welcomed loudly by my booooring friend and her more booooring friends. "Sinisinok ka ba?" I was officially welcomed in a school.. got a new I.D. and all that. This guy even excitedly0handled my I.D. placing me in his list of the most famous people on Earth. And then, we flew all the way to this baaaad place where you could see books sold at like 5,ooo bucks each lang naman, minimum. And we were all TOTALLY UNINTERESTED. Books about being a loser.. Totally. And then we did not part ways by 3means of transportation: the fast, the faster, and the fastest. My in-love friend and I walked in 0.3554 seconds to get to this place where you can find the longest lines ever just to pay for a moment in a purple train. We were prepared, of course, bringing with us exact payments. Hyuh. With a blink of an eye, we were in Paris, I repeat, P-A-R-I-S unwelcomed by the familiarity of it all. I was ungraciously kicked out of this BiiiiG school, for wearing a pink jacket I guess. And the lady-with-the-purple-jacket-which-I-think-looks-better-on-me waited for like centuries for me, while I was being kicked out. They had these papers with uber short questions in them; and I danced frantically while waving a hand and hopping in one foot. Yeah that made sense. And we ate like a hundred squidballs in one stick with durian shakes.. 'cause Miss Donut here insisted and cried like a baby just to eat these, delicacies. And then we went to Las Vegas, where all the action happens. And then, we died.

Oh the cactusness of it all.. loooooovin' it. <3>

The truth and only the truth shall remain with me and my very short Tempted Dreamer. Why? Cos we both deserve to be in our own worlds of whatnots and who'swhos. WE DESERVE TO DIE. :)


I'm still mad about my I.D. I'm thinking of sending a gun to that guy who took it... for Christmas noh. Hey, he deserves it.


"Her words are mistakes and her thoughts are unclean."
But if her words and thoughts were the truths, then everything else must be BS.



EXHAUSTED. And yet, HAPPY. :)

Me, Myself, and I. ;))

You Are 67% Independent

You've cultivated your own indepedent interests and personal style. But you're open minded enough to also embrace anything trendy that strikes you.

Are You an Independent Woman?

You're Confident...Sometimes

You can seem confident when the occasion calls for it But inside you may be experiencing a bit of self doubt A little more inner confidence could take you far... And convince others that you're as confident as you try to seem

Are You a Confident Woman?

You Are An Introvert!

You're not necessarily anti-social, but you do tend to need a lot of alone time. You tend to think before you talk, which doesn't make you the loudest person in the room. While you aren't outgoing, you are a good listener - and you tend to be a loyal friend. And you enjoy your friends as much as any extrovert does, in smaller doses. You're more of a conversation over dinner type than a party animal... and so are all your friends.

Are You An Extroverted or Introverted Girl?

You Are Midtown

You love so many things, you don't fit into any one label. Your city girl persona goes to a fancy restaurant one night and a dive bar the next.

Are You An Uptown Girl or Downtown Girl?

You Are Mostly Secure

In general, you feel confident and together. But the wrong thing can happen, and all of a sudden, you're not feeling so secure. Luckily, your insecurities don't last long... at least, not usually. So the next time you're feeling insecure, try to snap out of it - and remember the confident woman you are!

Are You An Insecure Girl?

Not a Jealous Bone in Your Body

You're secure, trusting, and giving with friends and lovers And while you may have been hurt before, you've bounced back You're generally happy with your life - and no one's grass is greener than yours One word of caution: some may see your lack of jealousy as indifference!

Are You A Jealous Woman?

You Are Not a Gold Digger

You go out of your way to take care of everything in your life. Including money - which you've got plenty of, thank you very much. And you have no intentions of being a trophy girlfriend for some bald guy. Just make sure that hottie you met isn't scheming to be your boy toy! As a successful woman like you knows, gold digging goes both ways these days.

Are You A Gold Diggin' Woman?

You Are an "It Girl"

You're outgoing, friendly, and charismatic. You are aware of your image, and you are constantly improving yourself. You're definitely the type of girl people love to be around!

Are You An "It Girl"?

You Are a Skin Deep Sweetheart

You may be supermodel gorgeous or a plain Jane. It really doesn't matter, because you're confident and secure. You don't go out looking like a slob, but you are low maintenance. You have better things to worry about than whether your nails are the right shade!

Are You a Vain Girl?

You're Very Fit

Congratulations, you're totally fit and doing everything right. Keep it up. You're doing great things for your health and probably inspiring others. Be sure to keep challenging yourself so you don't get in a fitness rut!

Are You a Fit Girl?

You Are A Little Snobby

And being a little snobby every once and a while is totally allowed. Because if no one was ever snobby, no one would ever try to dress up or look pretty. And while you do enjoy the finest things in life (that you can afford), you tire of superficiality. You know there's more to life than what's just on the surface.

Are You a Snobby Girl?

You Are a Fierce Femme

You have a wild side, and you aren't afraid to bring it out when the time is right. But you also know when to hang back and keep your "crazy chick" persona in check. In fact, some of your friends may be surprised to find out how far you can take it... You may look mild mannered, but it's all an act!

Are You a Daring Woman?

Your Inner Muse is Terpsichore

You are most like this muse of dancing. You have a natural rhythm that makes you an incredible dancer. And you're always inventing the coolest dance moves. Off the dance floor, you carry yourself with grace.

What Muse Are You?

You Are 14% Fake

Fake doesn't even come close to describing you. You're totally natural, and proud of who you really are!

Are You A Fake Girl?

You Have Many Alpha Tendencies

You're not a total alpha female, but you certainly know how to - and like to - get your way. You're forceful without being intimidating. You're confident without being vain. A perfect mix.

Are You an Alpha Female?

You are a Romantic Realist

Okay, so you fall in the middle. You know that love isn't like a greeting card... Yet you can always find a greeting card to describe your feelings. You are the best of both worlds Girly yet independent, dreamy yet serious. Almost any guy can find balance with you.

Are You a Romantic or Realistic Girl?

Guys Think You're Easy to Be With... But Not Easy

You're definitely a flirt - and a good one. But you also know that you shouldn't make a move on any cute guy who passes by. You save your seductive moves for someone who already knows the real you. That way, your sex appeal is just part of the whole package.

Are You An Easy Girl?

You're Not a Maneater

You like men, and you respect whoever you happen to be with. Whether it's a fling or a boyfriend, you try to be honest and upstanding. Of course, you've probably broken a few hearts in your time. The difference with you is that you didn't mean to!

Are You a Maneater?

You Are A Woman!

Congratulations, you've made it to adulthood. You're emotionally mature, responsible, and unlikely to act out. You accept that life is hard - and do your best to keep things upbeat. This makes you the perfect girlfriend... or even wife!

Are You A Girl Or a Woman?

You Are 16% Weirdo

Your thinking is so in line with the mainstream, it's pretty freaky. Have you ever considered running for political office? You're so normal, people can't help but feel comfortable with you!

Are You A Weirdo?

You Are Definitely a Hot Chick

While your little black book isn't as thick as Paris Hilton's... You get the most dates of any girl you know It's your whole five star package that attracts men - Your looks, your charm, and your ability tie a cherry with your tongue.

Are You A Hot Chick?

You're Kind of Stupid

You got 8/10 questions right! There's some things most people know... except for you.

Are You Stupid?

Ahem. Study shows..

You are Almost Ready to Date Again

You're over him... well, mostly. Truth be told, you still think of your ex on occasion. Enough to effect any new relationship you may start. Give yourself time and space - you are 90% there. And don't swear off men, just make sure to play the field.

Are You Ready for a New Boyfriend?

Too much of too much is too much.

We see addiction everyday..

It's shocking how many kinds of addiction exist..

It would be easy if it's drugs, booze, or cigarettes..



I think the hardest part of kicking a habit, is wanting to kick it.. I mean, we get addicted for a reason, right?



Often, too often, things that start out as normal parts of your life at some point cross the line to obsessive compulsive out-of-control..




It's the high we're chasing; the high that makes everything else..
fade away..



The thing about addiction is that it never ends well..




Because eventually, whatever it is that's getting us high , stops feeling good and starts to hurt.




Still, they say you don't kick the habit until you hit the rock bottom.
But how do you know that you're there?



because no matter how badly a thing is hurting us..
letting it go hurts even more..

[Meredith on GA]

On the evening of the 11th day of the 11th month of the year 2007, I WILL HOLD MY BREATH..

I was supposed to post this 2 days ago.. But unfortunately, my wonderful internet access just got even more wonderful by getting disconnected after every 8 minutes. Yuh.

So anyway, here it goes..

I have this friend.. a really-great-times-a-million friend. Let's just call her, Chubby. Haha. Anyway, we've been schoolmates for a lifetime, teammates for many years, and good friends.. for.. a year or so? Yeah, we don't talk that much in school and even in our trainings before. We barely hung out. Well, back in my GS days though, she used to tease me alot. Uhuh. But I never despised her for that because I always thought she was cool. And she is actually. Still is.

It was not until I was in my last year in HS that we really became good friends. And it started out because of a really really really funny drama.. which I won't tell here. Haha. That's between me and her only.. and those people who knew din pala.

We have this really (why do I keep on saying 'really'?) really (haha) weird friendship. And we don't know why.. never did, still don't. The weirdness has its good stuff actually.. well that's what I think. Somehow, even though she's weird and I'm weirder, we keep on holding unto something, never giving up. We never get tired. Yeah, that's it. I mean, usually when two people try to develop this certain bond but realize along the way that it's complicated and they don't even know why they're there in the first place, they give up 'cos they realize that they still have a bunch of friends and they don't need another friend anymore, especially a complicated one. For some unknown reasons, Chubby and I are still friends, no matter how weird it is for us. We're pretty special y'know. :)

Okay na eh.. and theeeeeeen, AND THEN I remember that she's moving to America, after her graduation. Get this: PERMANENTLY. And that's like, in less than a year. See? Now this is what I call, WEIRDLY COMPLICATED.. if there's such a thing. Grabe.. talk about luck.

On the evening of the eleventh day of the eleventh month of the year 2007, I held my breath. It was the day when she took the exams for the university in America that she's applying to. I never liked exams.. they were like a pile of papers with questions about the different stages of photosynthesis and the Revolution of the Native Americans and the sum of this&that is equals to what.. which all seem to show in the end what you can be in life and decides for you. Wtf?

And you know what's sad? This whole she's-leaving-the-country-for-good thing is really (yeah there i go again) affecting me. What's sadder is the fact that I don't know why and the saddest would be.. I can't do anything about it.

But then I think: What's the big deal? Nothing's going to change.. things will still be pretty much the same for us. I mean, we go to different schools, we have our own set of close/best friends, we don't see each other that much since I started my college year, and we barely hung out. The only time we have for each other is every midnight, and only using our mobile phones. Diba? We have already have distance now. The only difference (probably) when she leaves is her location. She could still email me or something.. and that's like texting narin.. right?

So, what's the big deal?

You know the feeling wherein you have this really big unanswered question and you feel like it's better if it's left that way? That getting the answer would probably just complicate things? That's how I felt when I was thinking about this. Unfortunately, I already had the answers. And man, it did got worse for me; I got scared in a way. Y'know, before when we were still in the same school, there was this One Year of Complete Silence between us. We see each other, play with each other, train with each other, and even study with each other.. but we never talked. We did pala, but only during those times that we REALLY need to talk (and when I say this I mean like totally academic slash basketball stuff and nothing else more). Yeah, it was effin bad and sooooooo hard. Swear. Todo iwasan talaga. But then, I felt sad and suddenly talked to her about it. That's where the drama began (which I still won't tell hehe). Anyway, my point is.. this could happen to us again, when she leaves for US. We could lose communication and worse, be in a fight. And unlike before, where I confronted her about the whole year of blah, I WONT ABLE TO MAKE A MOVE this time because she's seas away from me! Maybe I could, but this time, it'll be a lot harder than before. And, what if I want to see her or just simply hug her? Unless I could get free plane trips everytime I do, it's all good. But the problem is, I can't.

And now, I can't talk to her like before. Because I'm scared of what I know and what I still don't know. I've always felt safe and happy and really me when I talk to her.. I guess she has always inspired in ways I can't see. She's like my IDOL.. but I don't want to call her that because that term is almost like a cliche nowadays. If there would be a word like IDOL but with much much higher standards and more serious ones.. that would be her. She could be a bestfriend but in a different kind of way. Sheesh.. totally lost with these adjectives. I just can't give good enough reasons why I stay with her. Hay. All I know/knew is.. I think of her greatly.. immensely great. Effin adjectives, tsk.

So maybe this scares me because I might find out what she really is in my life but unfortunately, it'll be too late already. And I can't ever thank her enough or spend time with her when she's gone. When I let go, I might lose the only person who actually gives a damn about my life.

Chubby doesn't know this at all.. she knows yata that I don't want her to go. But I never wanted to tell her all of this because it won't be fair. Almost all the reasons I have for her to stay are for me only. Going away is her decision; it's what she thinks is best for her. And I can't mess with that.. I don't want to..

I have to decide whether to face it all, just make the most of our time, and be ready for whatever comes when she finally leaves; or be weak and run away.. end it all now so that it won't hurt when the time comes. This is what I ask myself everytime I get a text message from her or I want to text her. So what would it be?

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. Time's running out..

What A Blink of an Eye Misses.

"Change isn't easy. Changing the way you live means changing how you think. Changing how you think means changing what you believe about life. That's hard. When we make our own misery, we sometimes cling to it even when we want so bad to change, because the misery is something we know. The misery is comfortable."

"Change.. we don't like it; we fear it. But we can't stop it from coming. We either adapt to change, or we get left behind.
It hurts to grow.. anybody who tells you it doesn't is lying. But here's the truth: sometimes, the more things change, the more they stay the same. And sometimes change is good. Sometimes.. change is everything."

"It's also true that sometimes-- not often, but once in a moment of grace, almost a sort of a miracle. Something so powerful can happen, someone special come along, some precious understanding descend on you so unexpectedly that it just pivots you in a new direction; changes you forever." It's hard yeah, but it's still possible. No matter how you try to not change, it will always come your way. It's necessary most of the times and is pretty much normal. Change is needed to adapt to the surroundings, which also change. Our world improves as it receives a new information everyday. Everything around us change. Every single hour, minute, and second.. every little thing. I once feared change.. there was a point where I even challenged God. I had my own beliefs and I wanted to keep them and to somehow prove to God that it's possible not to change. But now, I got a full 360 degree turn lads. ;) And I realized that I really needed to change every once in a while.. more like, improve. Still hard, siyempre naman noh.. when you enter a new realm talaga. But, that's life. It's always for the better.. always for the better . :)